How Long-Distance Relationships Impact Emotions

06.11.2024

There is a famous parable about porcupines that try to get closer and save themselves from the cold but hurt each other with their quills. Then, they find a distance that is warm enough and not painful. This is an excellent illustration of how we all need the warmth of our neighbors on the one hand, and on the other hand, we are faced with our own vulnerability. Some partners feel emotional warmth even at a great distance from each other, while others freeze even in the same bed.

The distance between partners affects relationships but does not define them. Today, many examples exist of people in relationships, but at a distance: guest marriage, frequent business trips, and various online formats. Some close people have never seen each other in person, and some have moved away after living side by side for decades. There are voluntary long-distance relationships, and some were forced to accept this format. Some live in this mode permanently, others - temporarily. Everything has its pros and cons.

Emotional and Psychological Impact

Partners who live at a distance often communicate much more intensely and deeply than those who live under the same roof. Living in different places fuels mutual interest. Long heart-to-heart talks and streams of photos and videos create a feeling of inclusion in each other's lives.

But there are days when words in a messenger are not enough. You want your loved one to be near, especially at the start of a relationship. A couple's birth is a psychosomatic unity, spiritual and physical closeness. It is important to be in complete unity, touch and hug your loved one, and repeatedly be convinced of his or her existence.

As for the physical component, the absence of sexual intimacy in its full manifestation can work to enhance emotional intimacy. In addition, enticing anticipation and the sexual tension associated with it can stimulate the imagination and release desires and fantasies. This allows you to express passion next to your partner more freely. Anticipation enhances desire and creativity.

Challenges in Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships often test how strong feelings are and whether a person will be as devoted to their other half. Usually, time and distance are the main enemies of relationships since they steal the most important things - emotions and happiness. Of course, time that could be spent together and the opportunity to solve many problems are also lost. Even in the modern world, when you can contact your partner by phone or messenger and see him at any second, if necessary, love often fades away for a while, if not forever.

So, what are the difficulties of long-distance relationships?

Namely:

• Among the disadvantages, it can be noted that the partners do not have sex, which means that they can expect not only a decrease in desire but also many diseases.
• There is no ordinary life and no responsibility for each other. Sometimes, partners do not stand the test of time and try to start a relationship on the side.
• Affection is lost. Time moves forward inexorably, and the couple does not become younger. Therefore, when returning to a loved one, a partner may notice that he has changed and given in a lot. Of course, it is not so sad, but the partner is no longer drawn to him as before.
• All the problems fall on one. While the man, for example, is on duty, the woman is busy at work, at home, and with the children. It is difficult for her to solve many problems, but she endures. Discontent grows, and when the partner arrives, he may not be met with love and hugs but with scandals and discontent.

Coping Mechanisms and Solutions

Let's be honest: it's not easy first because any severe relationship requires a predictable prospect, if not of living together, then of meeting regularly in person; it is essential for a couple to have common goals for the future and make standard plans.

In long-term remote relationships, there must be an element of hope for togetherness - without this, they quickly fade away. It is impossible to imagine a long-term relationship at a distance, in which the partners do not live together at all, even occasionally, and have nothing in common in the physical, real world.

Try to discuss each of your plans and look for intersections: if the conversation turns to weekends or vacations, try to understand where you can actually spend this time together.

Long-term, long-distance relationships are always a challenge. It is worth noting that this format is often voluntarily chosen by people with a unique psychological profile - it is often difficult for them to be in the presence of loved ones for a long time since they do not know how to maintain a sense of their own autonomy without a feeling of guilt or shame. During their growing up, their parents or close adults did not set an example of harmonious coexistence with a partner, and they do not know what it is like to be close to someone for a long time without the desire to distance themselves territorially. Such people may find it challenging to cope with the emotions that overwhelm them in relationships, and one of the main options for solving this difficulty seems to them to be physical distance, leaving or moving away.

In other words, sometimes long-term, long-distance relationships are not forced decisions due to circumstances but purposeful vectors for developing interpersonal interaction. Only those who somehow complement each other in their need to regulate closeness territorially can stay in such unions for a long time. In such a case, changing the relationship format may require a person to seriously alter how they interpret their feelings when the partner is physically nearby. Often, the help of a psychotherapist is needed here since behavior patterns are a stable thing, and their correction requires effort and time.

Important tips:

• To maintain closeness, create common rituals (for example, calling at a particular time, watching movies, playing sports online).
• Focus on what unites you. Remember shared vacations, meetings with friends, family traditions of a peaceful life, and funny stories from your relationship.
• Try to live a whole life where you are now. Fill your day with valuable things, taking care of yourself, communicating with interesting people, and new experiences. Then, instead of blaming your loved one, you will want to share positive emotions with him.
• Don't put the relationship on pause. Don't expect to fix everything when you meet again. Try to do something every day to improve the relationship.

Improving Intimacy and Positivity

As a rule, online communication is characterized by a preliminary agreement: “Let's call each other at such and such a time in the evening.” However, such strict planning of personal contacts often makes them routine and forced.

Try to build communication more flexibly - when you want, when there is an urge to call or write. Of course, it is worth considering your partner's lifestyle and not interfering with their work schedule, for example. But find a way to add spontaneity to communication, especially if the relationship is already established and you are confident. Then, an unexpected photo, a note with a declaration of feelings, or a wish for a good day will once again become a pleasant reminder that you are thinking about your beloved.

Remember that communication should be desired - both for you and your vis-à-vis. Taking into account his/her personal boundaries, as well as a request for mutual respect for yours, is an essential condition for the success of any virtual and in-person partnership. To build a productive relationship, passion, and love alone are sometimes not enough. There must be similarities in your outlook on life, in how you communicate with each other, what goals you are working towards, and what you are willing to invest in the relationship.

Long-distance relationships are just a form. What is much more critical is what content you fill it with. Such a union presupposes a high level of sincerity. Here, we are talking about complete emotional openness towards your partner and, first and foremost, towards yourself.