How to Get the Power Back in a Relationship: Tips for Men

25.06.2020

Ideally, we all want to have healthy relationships and be happy with our significant others. Unfortunately, relationships in which partners are truly happy and equal are rather rare. In the real world, when you meet single girls, you need to spend days working on your relationships to make sure that everything works well. Sadly, sometimes problems appear due to unexpected reasons. What is even worse, quite often, people do thee those problems as something really huge and dangerous to their relationships.

For example, in the first stages, you may not pay attention to the fact that your partner tends to take the lead in your relationship. In this case, with time, you will notice that your partner wields all the power and completely controls your relationships. The question of power and control in relationships is very serious and often serves as a serious reason for arguments and conflicts. In some cases, your initial relationship patterns may lead to the problem of power in a relationship. So, how to gain power in a relationship with your woman?

What do power and control in relationships mean?

Before talking about ways to get the power back in a relationship, it is necessary to discuss what power and control in relationships mean. In healthy relationships, rational power comes from both partners. They both feel the strings to change their relationships and know that they have an influence on their partners. Those partners use this power and influence to make their relationship better while still remaining relatively independent. Sometimes, they disagree and have arguments. However, with time they come up with compromises. In turn, in unhealthy relationships in which partners struggle to find a balance, one partner feels interdependent on the other one.

So, the first thing that we need to discuss is that power in relationships depends on the relationship domain. The reason for this is that partners in couples must make decisions in various aspects. For example, in healthy relationships, partners decide together how they spend their time, interact with their friends and family, discuss religious aspects, make decisions, make plans for the future and solve together all-important household tasks. Things get even more complicated when a couple has children. As you have guessed, children create new topics to discuss and potential reasons for arguments.

So, as you can see, power in relationships includes the process of making decisions. Hence, to find out whether you have this problem in a relationship or not, just ask yourself who is the main decision-maker in your relationship? Who is the most active partner? Who is responsible for making plans? All those questions will help to focus on this problem and will give you a number of hints on how to take control in a relationship. Also, the question of power balance strongly relates to your personal independence.

Yes, it is normal when partners depend on each other. After all, when you decide to live together with your significant other, you will inevitably be dependent on each other. However, there is a certain degree of dependence. Thus, if your dependence comes too far, then you will feel that it is your partner who possesses all the control and power in your relationship. For example, you definitely are out of power and control over your relationship if you always need approval when you want to hang out with your friends.

Signs you need to get the power back in a relationship

Sometimes people just feel that something is wrong in their relationships. In such cases, both partners suffer from unpleasant and unproductive arguments. As you have guessed, one of the major reasons of general dissatisfaction in relationships lies in problems with power distribution in relationships. If one doesn't understand that he or she needs to regain power in a relationship, and keeps digging a relationship for potential reasons, this may even lead to breakups. Hence, before taking about potential ways to take back your power in a relationship, we want to discuss the major signs that you need to do this.

1. You can’t speak your mind

First of all, pay attention to your status in relationships. The ability to speak your mind is a great indicator of your status. Those partners who have an equal amount of power in relationships always can use their voice to protect their values. They don't fear to disagree on something, and are always clear about their needs and can express what they want. In turn, in unhealthy relationships, one partner is always forced to remain silent. The worst part I that when this problem exists in relationship, it brings many other ones. The reason for this is that no one can read minds, and if one can't express their problems, a partner will never understand that something is wrong.

2. You are dependent on your partner

As we have already said, when you decide to commit yourself to someone, you delegate them some of your rights and freedoms. For example, when you decide to buy a car for your family, you both must take part in this decision. At this point, it is crucial to draw a clear line between healthy and unhealthy dependence. Hence, in the former case, you consult with your partner because you want to know what he or she thinks. In the meantime, in the latter case, you consult with your partner because you can't make this decision by yourself.

3. You can’t defend your boundaries

It is not a secret that we all have our own set of boundaries and personal rules. Outside of this set, we feel pretty uncomfortable. Hence, you both must find a place for your personal boundaries in your relationships. Furthermore, it is vital to defend them. So, according to all the above mentioned, your inability to set or defend your personal boundaries is a clear sign that you need to learn how to take control of your relationship. Remember, sometimes you will face things that, in one way or another, cross the line, and must always be ready and able to defend it.

4. You believe that you deserve what you have

A few things look better than people who know what they deserve. Of course, here we are talking about those people who never feel that something is enough for them. For example, have you ever felt that you deserve much more than you have right now? Maybe it sounds rather corny, but if you believe that you deserve to play second fiddle in your relationship, then you definitely need to learn a couple of ways on how to take control of a relationship. It is in human nature to believe that they deserve much more than they already have.

5. You fear arguments

The main point here is that we all argue sometimes. Even those partners who are madly in love have arguments. Sometimes, the more the partners love each other, the louder scandals they have. All those arguments help people to improve their relationships. After all, we are all different, and disagreements will inevitably appear. The key here is that you should never fear to start an argument because something bothers. Hence, if you can't do this, then it should be clear for you that you don't possess enough power in your relationship.

How to be in control in a relationship without any abuse

So, how to be in control in a relationship? First of all, you must understand that you need to be very careful when trying to regain control of a relationship. Otherwise, you may easily offend your significant other and become a real abuser. Hence, you must take steps not to take away your partner’s power, but to gain more power yourself. This is why the majority of our pieces of advice is aimed at your work on your own weaknesses. We believe that this is the most effective way to gain power in a relationship.

1. Discuss this problem with your partner

Your first step should be to share your concerns with your partner. You see, if your partner truly loves you, he or she will also start taking steps to help you become more powerful. Plus, by doing this, you will avoid being abusive. Also, this is the best way to find out if you are dating an abuser. The truth is that an abusive partner will never allow his or her victim to gain power in relationships. Hence, if your partner genuinely agrees to help you, you can be sure that you have committed yourself to the right person.

2. Respect yourself

The sad truth is that if you don't respect yourself, then even the best partner in your life will be crossing your personal borders from time to time. It is true that if you don't respect yourself, then no one else will. Hence, your next task is to work on your self-respect. Start small and analyze how do you talk about yourself. Do you treat yourself like a person who possesses some power? Do you see yourself as a strong person? All those questions are crucial for building self-respect because you need to understand that you are a strong person who deserves to be respected.

3. Don’t give up your words

Powerful people always follow their words. They always fulfill their promises, and never say something that they can't or are not going to do. Remember, when it comes to power and control, your actions speak way louder than your words. No one takes seriously those people who let themselves spill words without any real intention to follow them. How can a person control something or make decisions if his or her actions never follow their words? Right you are, they can't. If you don't feel that you are capable of something, then just don't give promises until you know that you can fulfill them.

4. Be kind

No, this is not some fancy and witty way to regain power and control in a relationship. This I just a nice and old-fashioned approach to remain a decent human being. You see, if you are too pushy, your partner may feel that you don't love him or her anymore. Also, this is the shortest way to become an abuser. So, by being kind, you will show your partner that your desire to have more power in a relationship is aimed to improve the quality of your life and relationship itself. Plus, you should never forget that your significant other is not your enemy, and he or she deserves kindness and gentleness.

5. Work on your confidence

Your self-confidence is crucial for becoming a real leader. You can analyze any significant historical figure. All-powerful human leaders are very self-confident people, or at the very least, they seem to be so. Hence, you must believe in yourself and constantly work on your self-confidence. Not, you must never improve your self-confidence at the expense of your partner. You should never abuse your significant other. After all, there are many ways to become more powerful. Remember, real power love confidence, and only confident people can truly control their lives.

6. Share your emotions

Sometimes it is normal to feel sad, depressed, and even have a desire to attack your partner for something. Of course, the last one should never be present in your relationship, and you must never attack your partner for anything. However, you just must share your real feelings and emotions. For example, if your partner does something you don't like, don't tolerate such things, and immediately tell your partner how you feel. Of course, don't forget about being gentle and kind. I am sure that your partner will be glad to change some aspects of his or her behavior to make you happy.

7. Deal with your fear of responsibility.

Yes, it is not that easy to take responsibility for something. Quite often, it is a very worrying thing to do. However, one can't become a true leader if he or she can't overcome the fear of responsibility. It is true that we all have it, and there is nothing special in it. Hence, this also means that you can overcome it. We are not going to lie to you, this is not going to be easy, and we recommend you start small. Try to be active and take small responsibilities at first. This will help to adapt to your new role faster.

So, to summarize, I want to remind you again that you should never rush with this matter in your relationship. Don't start a real war in your relationship because of your desire to gain power and control. Use the so-called soft power to improve your position in your relationship. At the same time, you must also focus on improving your partner's position too. Generally, all your efforts should be aimed not at making your partner weaker and taking power from him or her, but on making your both stronger and more successful. Thus, you will ensure that your family will prosper. Make sure that even if you have a competition for power and control in a relationship, it is a healthy and productive one.