Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome

16.10.2024

Empty nest syndrome is a parenting crisis associated with the moment when the only or youngest child leaves the home of the father and mother. Experiences are associated with the loss of the need for daily care of children and the absence of a substitute occupation and relationships. Symptoms: a feeling of uselessness, emptiness, alienation, loss of life, meaning, and goals. Diagnosis is carried out using a clinical interview, and psychodiagnostics tests are additionally used to study the family system, semantic orientations, and values. Treatment consists of psychological counseling and psychotherapy. Empty nest syndrome was first described in psychological literature in the 70-80s of the twentieth century. It is based on the separation process - parting with a loved one, losing previous relationships, and associated responsibilities. Parents experience the most challenging separation of children, so the phenomenon of an empty nest is considered in the context of their emotional state. The prevalence of this syndrome is 50-75%. The highest rates are among older mothers.

Stages and Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome

Value intrapersonal conflicts and negative experiences characterize empty nest syndrome. Parents feel empty, useless, and abandoned. They are often in a low mood, easily irritated, and often cry. Depression manifests itself as a reluctance to leave the house and a lack of motivation for any activity. Depression develops. The woman cannot find a replacement for the lost maternal role; all alternatives seem meaningless or overwhelming (hobbies, sports, relationships with her husband).

As a defense mechanism against difficult experiences, a conscious or unconscious desire to return a son/daughter back to the parental home to lead a life so that he/she again needs maternal care and guardianship can develop. Such behavior is implemented in hidden, non-obvious ways. For example, devaluing studies at a university in another city, emphasizing the shortcomings of an independent life, and the desire to give money and control spending. Mothers become overly absorbed in their children's lives at a distance, constantly discussing them and trying to provide advice and instructions in any situation.

After children are separated, spouses are left alone with each other. Emotional, personal, and role problems that have long been repressed by everyday parental concerns emerge, increasing the risk of divorce. In harmonious families, marital relations can become a resource for overcoming difficult experiences associated with the beginning of children's autonomous lives.

Stages that parents may experience:

• Shock or initial period of adaptation
• Feelings of loneliness and loss
• Gradual adaptation or long-term problems

Psychological and Relationship Impact

Some studies say that empty nest syndrome is closely related to depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders.

Other, more recent data indicate, and this is logical, that an empty nest can, on the contrary, become a source of good changes. Parents have free time and a lot of energy. They start doing things they have been putting off for a long time, return to old hobbies or find new ones, communicate more, relax and travel, try themselves in different areas, and take relationships to a new level.

Perhaps the path that the parent will ultimately take depends on how prepared he is for parting with his children and what goals he sets for himself.

The crisis associated with the separation of children from their parents can become a long-term stressor and cause various psychological reactions. In such cases, the parent may need the support of a psychologist. A person needs to be aware of his feelings and be ready to overcome a new crisis stage in his life.

Coping Strategies and Support

Experts believe that taking action in advance is better than treating the consequences long and hard later. Therefore, it is essential to take preventive measures so parents do not experience painful experiences due to an "empty nest." To do this, you need to not focus on children but devote time to yourself, your interests, relationships with your partner, and work. Each family member must have their social circle, including parents.

This will help achieve the following goals:

• The versatility of parents will help children see how one can live and what the quality of life should be. This will allow them to acquire their own circle of friends, have their own interests, and choose themselves at some moments. They will become more stable and adapt to different situations faster.
• When children inevitably grow up, and we must allow them to make their own choices, it will be easier for us, too. We will rely on other aspects of life that remain stable. We will continue to live and maintain constructive relationships with children, even if we do not agree with their choices. This will allow us to support them and live through the separation process and our life crisis healthily and constructively.
• Communicate more with your other half. Since you are now alone, it is logical to support each other, spend as much time together as possible, and look for activities that interest you both. This is a good chance to become a little closer, resolve old conflicts, and refresh your romantic relationship.
• Engage in hobbies and interests; if you don’t have any, be sure to look for something to do for the soul.

Creative Solutions for Positivity

Refocus on yourself

Now is the time to reminisce and return to the activities that greatly pleasure you. It is also an opportunity to find a new hobby and try something you have never done before: discover yoga or sports, learn a new language, take up dancing, knitting, embroidery, or drawing! Make a gift basket for your parents as a thoughtful gesture—anything to occupy your free time and fill the void. 

You can get any pet, but a dog is better because you need to walk it. This will definitely save you from the temptation to lie around all evening, "hanging out" on social networks or switching channels. Get outdoors as often as possible.

Dive into new projects

Many people are happy to have help daily and even depend on it. Take a closer look at volunteer projects. Many charities are desperately looking for volunteers who will care for people in need and help them with their daily affairs. Reinvesting in your own goals and interests.

A well-known proverb says that children are our future, and in a global sense, this is true. However, on the scale of private life, children are more like our present and past since, sooner or later, they will leave us to build a new family. And in order not to be left with nothing, like that fairy-tale old woman, it is very important to seize this moment and make the separation easier for an adult child and, most importantly, yourself.