Main Rules for the First Relationship After Being Widowed

25.12.2019

Even if you were ready for it, the death of a loved one is a shocking and heart-breaking event. Coping with this grief and start living anew can be more difficult than everything you did before. And yet, once – the thirst for life and the desire to have a significant other again will take over. At first, you will be scared and feel anxiety. It is hard to imagine yourself on a date again after 20 or 30 years of relationships, but the tips we have prepared will help start relations after being widowed.

When Is It Too Soon for a Widower to Date Again?

Unfortunately, there are no clear answer to this question as well as any guidelines on starting widower dating too soon. Everything depends on a person, as there are no certain time constraints for the period of sorrow. All people go through such a traumatic experience differently, in their way and time. For some, it can take months, while it will be years for others. The most important thing is not to let other people dictate you when it is the right time for you to start dating.

In the meantime, it can be difficult to realize when you feel ready to get acquainted with someone with romantic intentions, but do not shy away from making connections. When you are in a puzzle, try going out on a real date to identify whether you are ready for starting relationships. Also, you can browse the Internet for some widower dating sites. There are people, who have experienced the same grief as you do, thus, they are ready to start dating a widower and accept your feelings understandingly and be sympathetic. Moreover, you can see the pictures of single girls and guys before starting the communication with someone.

Widowhood and Dating: Main Problems

Before starting the first relationship after being widowed, you should know about the problems you may face. As they say, forewarned is forearmed. So, let’s take into the matter!

Overcoming tragedy

Over time, a widow or widower starts feeling loneliness along with awareness and acceptance of the loss. For a long time, there was a person nearby who was your partner in everything – life, children, sex... But it is important to overcome the tragedy before starting a new relationship. It is one of the most serious dating a widower problem, as many people cannot stand loneliness in principle. They begin to actively seek a replacement for their beloved ones after being widowed. Please note that during this period, you can make a lot of mistakes that you will regret later. Therefore, you cannot objectively evaluate either people or events until you overcome the tragedy.

Avoiding comparison

Another problem people face in the case of widower dating is avoiding comparison. Of course, it is hard to start a relationship with someone without comparing this person with a beloved. However, you should not strive to replace your former partner with anyone else. After all, every person is individuality with own interests, principles, and life views. Thus, nobody is going to be the same as your former partner. Although it is important to appreciate and treasure the memories of the past, a new romantic relationship is not about searching for an identical substitute.

Learning to love again

This is one of the greatest problems of widower dating again. After losing a loved one, a person may think, “I will never love anyone again and engage in family planning” or “I will never find anyone like them in the whole world” and start living the life of a recluse. But it is not an option! Especially if you are still young and have children: they need a lively, cheerful, and happy parent. Of course, life after being widowed will not be the same as before – this is absolutely true. But you should learn how to love again to create a happy romantic relationship.

Are You Ready for a Relationship After Being Widowed?

It does not matter if you have been widowed several years or just six months, the sorrow and hurt of the loss of a loved one never melt away. That is why it can be so difficult to identify whether you are really ready for new romantic relationships. But still, some signs will help you sort things out.

You feel emotionally ready

If you still weep for a former partner and feel hurt even over a year after the loss, this is an obvious sign that you are not ready to start a new relationship. Although the sorrowful feelings may be with you for a long time, constant experiences of pain, grief, and hurt indicate that you still have something to work on. But do not worry, that’s absolutely normal! Every person gets through the loss of a loved one in their way and time frame.

You do not compare anymore

There is nothing wrong with cherishing the memory of a former loved one after their death. But to create a romantic relationship, you need to be aware that a new partner will not be different from your previous one. Therefore, if you stop comparing, it means that you are ready to start a new relationship. Now, you realize that your life has already changed and is going to change even more with the advent of a new loved one.

You feel satisfied alone

When you get used to having a loved one, the feeling of loneliness may seem like an alien. Willingness to start a new relationship involves a clear understanding and acceptance of oneself. Do you spend time with your friends, do your favorite things, and just feel good being alone with yourself? This is a clear sign that you are ready to return to the world of romantic relationships!

You want to make new connections

Sometime after the loss of a loved one, you will feel that you want to make new acquaintances, especially with the opposite sex. This will be the very sign that you are ready for a romantic relationship. Therefore, be open to new acquaintances! After all, it is the first step towards building a romantic relationship.

Advice on Finding Love After Being Widowed

So now, you know that you are ready for building a relationship after being widowed. But how to do it? Where to start? There are 3 most important tips you should consider to make the search of a loved one as easy as possible.

1. Deal with the feeling of guilt

Your partner would like you to be happy. You should get rid of the feeling that you are betraying them if you are thinking of getting acquainted with someone else. Love and appreciate your past relationships, but do not let them sabotage your future. And if the feeling of guilt prevails and haunts your mind, it is better to consult a psychologist – you should deal with this problem before going out on a date with someone. This is one of the best widower dating advice.

2. Tell about your story (but carefully)

Now, you are not only a widower or widow, but you are also still a personality with own opinions, hobbies, preferences, social values, political views, and a unique worldview. When you meet a new person, decide in advance what to show and tell them right away, and what to keep for later. Moreover, you should avoid too deep immersion in your past life – your new friend will feel unwanted and misplaced.

3. Make connections

Stop getting ready! It's time to get out of the house and get acquainted with someone. The easiest way to do it is to ask your friends if they have single acquaintances who would like to start a romantic relationship. Do not be embarrassed, this is quite a good start. Most people usually hesitate to offer you creating relationships being afraid of offending you. Therefore, let them know that you are ready to strike up an acquaintance.

Besides, no one has canceled dating on the Internet. On dating sites, there is a huge number of lonely-hearts seeking love. Many widowers and widows have met worthy partners online and built a happy relationship. So, find a proven widow/widower dating site and make no bones about starting communication!

Dating After Being Widowed: Main Rules

Dating after being widowed may be fraught with some difficulties. But do not be nervous! All romantic relationships involve problems to deal with. But with the help of these useful tips, you will be able to avoid the difficulties of dating after being widowed and make your romantic relationship go well.

1. Do not be ashamed of feeling guilty

Building a new relationship, you might feel as if you cheat on a former partner. Moreover, you may feel embarrassed and ashamed before your friends or the acquaintances of your ex because you try to live on. However, dating again after being widowed is completely natural. Remember that if you are ready to start a relationship, you have full power and authority to do it! Besides, do not worry about the sense of guilt, as it should begin to subside after some time of being in a new relationship. But if it is not, you should take a break and wait a little.

2. Be yourself

It can be difficult to be yourself when starting a relationship, as you can still feel that you have lost a part of your soul. However, all the attempts to hide your true feelings and experiences just make a newly created relationship miserable and awkward not only for you but also for a person you date. Consequently, you should try to unbosom yourself to a new partner – it will make you more attractive, as well as boost your self-esteem.

3. Remember that a date is not a psychotherapist visit

Of course, frankness is extremely important. Lying does not bode well for a romantic relationship. So, you should not hide the death of your ex-partner or pretend that you have never loved them. The presence of previous relationships is absolutely natural, and a potential partner should know about it. The point is not to spend whole romantic dates speaking about the former. After all, your new acquaintance is not a psychotherapist. So, draw attention to them, and your romantic relationship will develop much better.

4. Consider your future life together

All people have former relationships, but to start dating after being widowed, it is important to live in the present, enjoy the company of a person you are dating, and consider your future life with them. Therefore, ask a new acquaintance about their hopes and plans for the future and think about what you want from a relationship and life in general both in the present and future. Perhaps you dream of getting a pet or want to travel around the world. In any circumstance, revolve in the mind whether the plans of a partner are similar to yours.

5. Do not rush the development of a relationship

The death of a loved one is great distress, as you lose one of the closest and dearest people in the world who have always been there for you. And a wish to get all this back is normal, but you should not rush the development of a relationship even if things are going perfectly well. It can be difficult not to become absorbed in a relationship if everything is going well, as you crave to have someone nearby again. But it is better to wait some time to realize whether this is true love or you just try to substitute the tender feelings you have had previously.

Final Thoughts

The loss of a loved one is one of the worst things one can imagine. It is very difficult to get through it, and sometimes, it seems impossible at all. The only thing that helps is time. Yes, this truth has already become banal, but no one has yet found a better way to survive the tragedy and move on. The only person who can know and decide on when you are ready for the first relationship after being widowed is you. Do not be afraid to live on and introduce changes in your life! The above-mentioned tips will help you find a loved one and date after being widowed.