10 Signs You Are in a Situationship

10.06.2019

It is no secret that many of us have experienced a relationship that doesn’t seem to move towards getting engaged or a breakup at one point or another in our lives, but it is only recently that an American journalist who works at Cosmopolitan, Carina Hsieh, has come up with the definition of this type of relationships, which was previously dramatically dubbed as “it’s complicated” on social networks.

Now everyone who faces a difficult kind of relationship can call their personal drama “situationship.” This neologism, which was first used by Carina Hsieh, is quite a simple one, this term can be safely used by all who, according to Carina, "are moving towards something, but not making any steps to get closer to it."

The term “situationship” does not detract from the traditional concept of “it’s difficult” because everyone who has encountered it in their own life will say that such a destructive type of relationship is the worst thing that can happen to a person because the hope for improvement is still there. In other words, once a person finds themselves in a situationship, they come to experience an emotional attachment to someone who, in reality, is not actually their partner, but rather some weird friend.

As you can see, this concept is quite a difficult one to pinpoint. If you are still not sure what is a situationship, then let’s try to define a situationship.

What Is a Situationship?

You are no longer just strangers who go on dates with each other, but you two have not yet reached the status of a “real” couple – this isn’t anything new, it seems to be a common phenomenon, which, for some reason, got its own word only a few years ago. What was the name for this state of relationships in the past? A love affair? It sounds like something cheap and unaesthetic. A romance? Well, I guess it is somewhat fitting, but it still not the same exact thing. In Spanish, there is a world for this phenomenon - rollo, and this word has been widely used for many decades at this point, yet English-speaking countries came up with their own term for it in 2014.

The word is, as you might have guessed at this point, situationship. In short, it doesn’t just describe the sentimental candy-bouquet period of relationships, from which all unions usually start, and it is not the same as two people just having friendly sex from time to time, instead, a situationship is a relationship that is stuck in the present time and does not seem to move anywhere – neither in the direction of two people getting engaged, nor towards their breakup. This is a very familiar “buffer zone” for our time, where you can easily get stuck for several months and even years: there is a certain rhythm of dates, both of you, in principle, are happy with everything that you have and your current state of relationships, and none of you are eager to be at the fore of any initiative, for example, to offer to live together or, on the contrary, to tell your partner that you are going to go on a trip around the world for a year without any contact with the outside world.

Now that we know the situationship definition and its origin, let’s list some of the signs of such a relationship.

Signs of a Situationship

There are no definitive situationship rules, but there are some signs that unite them.

1. You don’t regularly go on dates. You don’t seem to have that much time to spend on dates and joint recreation.

2. You rarely take joint photos. You do not take pictures together and don’t post them on social networks because it will tell all of your friends and relatives that you are in a relationship, and people will expect it to move forward, but it probably won’t.

3. You rarely talk about the future. You do not know what will happen to you two in a year or five years. You are afraid to think about it, and you do not want to talk about it at all. Maybe you just don’t want to rush things, and you are happy with the current state of your relationship.

4. You don’t usually tell your partner about your plans. They do seem to exist in your life, but at the same, they are quite busy to be at your side at all times. You can even go on a vacation alone, which sounds ludicrous to all of your relatives and friends.

5. You have feelings, but you are not sure about their seriousness. You take care of your partner, but do not allow them and yourself to let these feelings grow into something more.

6. You attend events alone. You came alone to weddings, Christmas parties, and corporate events. You rarely appear in public in the company of someone else. Your partner is busy, yet everyone around you thinks that you are single.

7. You are not dating anyone else. It should be noted that this sign doesn’t apply to all the situationships. You don't seem to be in an open and free relationship, but at the same time, you don't want to start dating someone else. Your relationship needs are met by one person.

8. You occasionally have sex. True, there may be sex in such a relationship, we are all different with our own approaches to establishing a relationship, you may even stay at their place to sleep. But after such rare meetings, there are breaks, and you may not hear each other for a couple of days and maybe even weeks.

9. Correspondence is your main form of communication. It is quite likely that you don’t have some affectionate nickname for your partner. You are not in each other’s company at all times; thus, your normal way of communication is texting.

10. Your friends and relatives don’t know about your partner. The state of your relationship is not a conventional one, your friends and relatives, especially the latter, may not understand the complexity of your relationships. That being said, we have to note that situationships aren’t always bad, some people are simply forced into them. And in reality, depending on a given case, to have a situationship rather than a serious relationship is the way to go. Let’s now compare situationship to relationship and figure out the differences.

Situationship Vs Relationship

To find out the difference between situationship vs relationship we have to analyze the public perception of a phenomenon that is a situationship.

People have different reasons to remain in such a relationship: someone is too busy to deal with a serious relationship; it is psychologically difficult for some to get used to a new person, and they just want to test out the waters before committing to something serious; some, after all, are only interested in sex, and to have it only during free time from fitness, work, and meetings with friends and other partners. And others, perhaps, have completely ceased to believe in love after a painful breakup and thus, they are afraid to re-experience the same pain as the felt in the past. All these different people with their different reasons are united by the fact that they are surrounded by different notions and stereotypes of society. “You need a couple,” “You should get engaged,” “Stay single, there is only pain in love.” because our society seeks to tell us how to live our lives.

The public perception of situationships as well as, in principle, of any kind of "strange" relationships (for example, long-distance relationships or open relationships, in which partners can have sex with other people), is usually negative. Like if it doesn’t turn out to be anything serious tomorrow, then you have to tear it all down, otherwise, it’s not a proper relationship, it is not “normal” enough. People have their own fantasies and notions on how a proper relationship should be, and, unfortunately, these notions mostly come from fairy tales and romantic movies. In real life, things are far from being so unequivocal: both partners can be quite happy with their easy approach towards a relationship like that. To find yourself in a situationship doesn’t mean that you’ve met a dead end.

A situationship is a perfect word to describe all of the holiday romances, in which you, despite the predictable and irreversible breakup, were still childishly happy. In addition, this phrase describes the millions of small relationships that began on Tinder, when you two have decided to meet each other out of pure curiosity, just to try a new type, or you just did it out of boredom because it was July outside, everyone went on dates, and you stayed late at work until sundown, being depressed and all.

Now that we’ve compared a situationship to relationship, let’s summarize all the differences. A relationship is something that is often perceived as a strong bond between two people that have to spend lots of time with each other, be the best friends, have sex, and eventually get engaged. A situationship is perceived as a weird offshoot of a normal relationship that doesn’t seem to follow the general rules of the latter.

How to End a Situationship?

That being said, what if you are not satisfied with the state of your relationship and you want to move on, create a serious relationship, and get engaged in the future? How to end a situationship?

Now, you have two choices: you either develop your situationship into something more serious or dump it altogether. In the first case, the main question sounds like, "When does a situationship become a relationship?" With all of the things that were said above, to move a situationship forward, one has to establish certain rules, goals, and maybe even a deadline. Rules may vary, but as for goals – you should strive towards getting engaged and having children. A deadline may be needed to preserve your own interests and not waste time on a person who is not interested in moving forward. Don’t expect any changes without establishing a dialogue, you should be aware of your partner’s plans about your relationship and the future as a whole.

In the second case, it is quite simple. If you want to break up this relationship – do it, it will be a lot easier to do than in the case of a normal relationship. Your ties are looser after all.
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