How to Turn Down a Date Without Hurting

13.12.2018

Almost every girl sooner or later finds a need to properly break off relations with a guy or to refuse to date one without offending him. Such a situation can arise either a week after the start of dating or six months after it.

A smart woman thinks about such moments in advance, for it’s not for nothing that they say that everything in life comes back at you: today you stopped answering calls without clarifying the situation, and one day they will do the same to you. In addition, as you know, men are very sensitive to failure, so it is important to choose the right words and the correct tone in order to soften the conversation that is unpleasant for both of you. Today, we will talk about how to turn down a date when you are no longer interested in a person.

How to Turn Down a Second Date

Imagine a situation: you started a relationship in the hope that love will come later. Time passes, and you are still indifferent to the chosen one. Gradually, from the mere sight of a man, you begin to experience irritation. There is a desire to stop this meaningless relationship, but you do not dare to dump him and do not want to hurt a person who, by and large, does not deserve a bad attitude towards him. If the guy doesn’t care about you, do not delay the separation. Yet the question arises, how to turn down a date?

Delaying the solution of the problem is meaningless - sooner or later you will simply break. Negative emotions will accumulate inside until they spill out, even for a minor reason. A few simple tips will help to tune in to the conversation and make it as painless as possible for the gentleman. To properly turn down a second date, read the following:

How to politely turn down a date? Choose a suitable place that will allow you to be alone, but will give you the opportunity to leave if necessary - for example, a park or a square where people walk. You can consider the option of a cafe or restaurant, but the conversation may become not too friendly but to attract the attention of onlookers who are ready to gawk at someone else's scandal, it’s just uncomfortable. When you agree to an upcoming date, do not frighten the guy with the news that a serious conversation is planned. Start the walk, during which gently hint that you need to clarify some points.

Soften the conversation. Start your monologue by listing the merits of a young man. Of course, you should not exaggerate and paint non-existent features - for example, if your boyfriend is far from being an athlete, do not admire his strength and figure. Tell the young man that you really like him, but you value him solely as a friend, a witty conversationalist, and an interesting person. The circumstances are such that you cannot fully respond to his feelings. It is advisable to carefully leave when direct questions are brought up, like, what exactly does not suit you. Note that the matter is solely in you, and that you don’t condemn your ex-partner.

How to turn down a date nicely? Speak in a soft but steady tone. When you have stated everything you wanted and reported on the impossibility of further dating - leave. Do not settle for last hugs, farewell kisses, escorting home, and even more so do not let yourself be drawn into a showdown on the topic of "who is to blame?" And "what to do now?" Ensure that you can safely leave at the right moment.

Do not fall for entreaties, threats and manipulations. It is clear that promises to commit suicide seriously scare, and persuasions to give one last chance may cause a desire to feel sorry for the gentleman. It is known that relations without mutual feelings are doomed to failure, and it’s pointless to continue them. If the boyfriend descends to threats and rudeness, do not give free rein to emotions and do not be rude in response - just inform that your communication stops right now and silently walk away. How to turn down a date properly? Deny the presence of another man. Insist that it's your own business, not your feelings for the other guy. Having an opponent will not make the break easier, it will only complicate the conversation.

Be hard on the phone after a break. Sometime a guy can call you on the pretext of a friendly conversation. You may receive an offer to meet and talk over a cup of coffee. Your consent will give false hope and lead to a re-clarification of the reasons for separation. Correctly refuse to meet until you are sure that the guy has “burned out” and will not disturb you anymore. Usually, such a tactic of refusal justifies itself, and it does not matter whether this is a first date or not. The situation is not easy, because we want to quickly forget about the existing problem. But just to ignore a person is not the way out. Of course, not every former boyfriend will be a good friend. But you will do everything to maintain respect, showing a delicate approach to ending the relationship.

Suppose you started to care for a guy with whom you occasionally intersect. Tell him you are in a relationship. It does not matter that at the moment you have no one - very soon someone in your life may appear. Express to him a sincere wish that he will quickly find a new partner. Even if the newly-made cavalier is a complete idiot and all that, be respectful and gentle. How to turn someone down for a date? Do not be rude in response to rudeness. Stop communication and ignore attempts to get you involved in scandal and abuse. It is much more difficult if a European woman encounters her ex on daily basis, like at work or university or such. In the circle of constant communication, personal life or lack thereof cannot be hidden. The excuse that you already have a loved one will not work in this case.

When you begin to suspect incipient liking and anticipate a quick invitation to a date, take preventive measures. Behavior should be restrained, communication should be infrequent. Many boyfriends are frightened of such behavior and do not risk asking on a date, fearing to run into denial in response. If an invitation to spend the evening together has already been received, treat the guy with respect. You have to work together or communicate in a team, and you don’t need to make an enemy of him. Specify that you appreciate the shown attention, but you see no future between you two. Do not settle for a date if a young man begins to assure you that this is just a friendly meeting.

He will come to the conclusion that you are flirting and waiting for decisive steps on his part. If he makes them, it will be much more difficult to solve the problem. Your “no” should be firm enough to not give hope for the future. Do not promise the guy to think, just say goodbye, that’s it, but do not forget to mention that you are sorry.

How to Turn Down a Date After Saying Yes

We will now provide you with some ways to turn down a date, when you have already agreed to one.

• “I washed my only jeans and hang them up to dry on the balcony, and then it rained, and they got completely wet again. I literally have nothing to wear. I will not go without pants.

• “You know, I got carried away today and overdid it in the gym. I am afraid that tomorrow I will not be able to move my arms or my legs, so it’s better not to plan anything.”

• “I just discovered that the meatballs in the freezer are expiring tomorrow. I can't go for a dinner!”

• “I looked into the horoscope, and it turned out that I can’t go out today at all. You'd better stay away from me this evening, I bear disaster today.” It may be one of the funny ways to turn down a date if you are not into horoscopes at all.

• “Maybe it's nothing, but I just heard my cat sneezing. If she gets sick while we are having fun, I will never forgive myself! I’ll have to stay home and see if I need to take her to the vet right away.”

• “Sorry, but I just quarreled on the phone with a friend. The evening got spoiled, so I'd rather take a sleeping pill and go to bed.”

• “It is very inconvenient for me to refuse at the last moment, but it turned out that I have to go to IRS with my parents right now, they called and said that something is wrong, I am sorry!”

• “Oh, did you say this Friday? I thought it’s next Friday. And I already have plans for this one. I'm sorry!”

• “I was just sent on a business trip to INSERT A CITY HERE, so I won’t be back for another few weeks or so.”

• "To be honest, I am terribly reluctant to go somewhere / I decided that we no longer need to have a date / today is simply not the best of my days, and I do not want you to see me like this." We like this option the most; this is the best way to turn down a date.

What to Do After an Uncomfortable Dialogue

As a rule, if you said that you are done once, it is enough so that the guy does not return to this issue. But if you had to deal with a particularly persistent boyfriend, then he will not be fed up with words alone - you will have to back them up with real actions. Here is what you can do in order to cool down the fervor of an assertive gentleman and not spoil relations with him:

1. Ignore. You have already explained everything and you were as direct as possible. Now you are not responsible for his experiences. Do not try to flatter, don’t go for another date, and try to cheer him up in any way. Bring your communication to a formal level. Be kind but reserved.

2. Get as direct as possible. If it came down to constant questions and attempts to get to you, then you have to get more serious about it. Call him out on his annoying behavior, say that you are done with him, there will be no further conversation between you two, you are not interested in him and further attempts at getting back at you will be treated with aggression, you will call the police if need be. If not police, then some protective male figure that will stand up to the annoying guy. And if it gets worse, live up to your words, call the police and all that, let him feel the consequences.

So, in general, how to turn down a date? Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and inexorable - only this way you will manage to protect your personal space and not to offend the guy. Well, if nothing happens, and the further relationship is completely spoiled, do not worry too much. In the end, your own peace of mind is more important than other people's fantasies.