10 Signs of a Workaholic in a Relationship

22.07.2019

You know, some things are just beyond our understanding – how is it possible to balance between cherishing your better half and striving for your career? Ambitions are great, but what if they come in the way of your relationships? Do you feel like you are in the second place at times? Are you familiar with the concept of having their co-workers, bosses and goals always thirdwheeling, always hanging out in your living room and in your heads? Do you feel that sometimes, when being in bed with your significant other, they almost imagine their management being in between you, or instead of you in that bed?

Yes, living with a workaholic is not easy. Not that you are not concentrated and not motivated enough. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes your partner and their mentality cause issues on a daily basis. Should you keep up and always be ultrahyped about all the achievements as well? Or should you explain somehow that family comes first, as it is the source of positive emotions and nourishment? Is that statement true at all? But let's start with basics first. How to deal with a workaholic boyfriend (girlfriend)? How to date a workaholic and save your relationship from falling apart? And, most importantly, how to cure a workaholic and is there any cure at all?

What Is A Workaholic

A workaholic is a person who's hooked on achievements. They don't like sitting at home, don't like being irrational, impractical, oftentimes they avoid being romantic or lovebirdy, which pisses of the partner who is probably expecting some love and warmth as well. But a workaholic doesn't know any better other than disappearing at work from dusk till dawn, forgetting your special dates, your birthdays, cancelling your arrangements, and all for the sake of a promotion.

They won't be happy to chill at a park, have a lazy weekend, lying on a sofa watching Netflix with you. They feel like they don't belong here, like they could be doing so many potentially more productive stuff, they often neglect your needs or call you lazy. The worst thing about a relationship with a workaholic is that they can assure you you're not enough for them. Like you are not good enough, concentrated enough, striving enough etc. Sometimes workaholics apply their mindset to your personal relationships, constantly asking to work on issues that aren't really there. They can be needy and criticising, dull and obnoxious about the need to work on your partnership. Even the word «partnership» is applied to you in regards of seeing you as a co-worker who is working for the same goal. No compromises, no remorse, no endorsement. You either do your job as a perfect satisfactory partner, or leave. Dating a workaholic can bring a lot of stress and insecurities into your life, but it's not that bad most of the time.

Signs of a workaholic

They love setting goals. They can't live without an achievement. Maybe they already see you as an achievement, so you subconsciously feel an urge to meet the standards of a trophy partner you are not in reality. They also love setting priorities, setting deadlines and just bossing around the house.

They are really pissed off if you bother them during a workday. Whether you have an emergency or are just suddenly cuddly and mooshy, they are not there to help you. Please, contact during free hours. That is very painful to carry on with.

They are addicted to their work. You had incidents in your life when you needed them, but their work always came first. Like a honeymoon you needed to cancel because they had a foreign business trip that could give them a promotion. Or a request to put off a family party because they needed to finish a project and do their quota.

In a pair «work-relationships», they will choose the first option. They might work from home, although you've asked them, like, a thousand times not to mix family life with worklife. They are always on their computer when you have dinner. They are always on the phone when you are out in public.

They avoid being too personal when talking about you in front of their co-workers. When they introduce you to their friends from work, they will oftentimes put your rewards and work position in front of your personal qualities, like «she is a CEO, a successful building company manager etc.», but they forget that you are also a mother of two, a fire hazard survivor, and just a hella sexy woman. Claiming all of your achievements is not WHAT you want to hear from your partner, because it totally gives you an illusion that they see no personal qualities in you, just work, work, work.

They forget about your children. The worst thing that can happen to your family is when kids don't get to see their mom or dad on a daily basis. That will screw their heads from an early childhood, seeing only one parent, therefore having another parent as emotionally unavailable, therefore messing a potential relationship with their future family and having issues with the opposite sex.

They can be jealous of your success. Since a workaholic is always exposed to a competitive market, why not see you as little competition? The thing with dating a workaholic man (or woman) is that they want you to be successful, but not too successful, especially if you work at the same field. They want you to be a good husband, but sometimes it's just better to look for a person who's successful in other life paths, like a diligent caretaker, because otherwise they will feel threatened. Being a workaholic makes them lost in an urge to have a successful partner and always be first at what they do.

Dating a workaholic: tips and advice

How to deal with a workaholic boyfriend? Is there any possible way to put up with all of that behavior? Here is some good workaholic relationship advice.

Set yourself as a priority. The reason why your workaholic husband knows he can put you on the second place is because you give him the reason to think you are okay with being in a second position. Pull out your inner bad girl and make him wonder where that selfless woman disappeared. Make him excited. Make him forget about that job by pulling unexpected tricks like walking in his office with no underwear and cancelling his meeting by an unexpected love session. The reason why your man is so concentrated on his job is because both of you created a routine he is comfortable with, so he is not interested in changing it. He is used to returning back home for a warm dinner. This time, forget to make dinner, take his car and drive him to a restaurant, and it doesn’t matter how tired he is after a workday. He still has some work to do afterwards.

Be interested in his job. Become his friend. The reason why your workaholic boyfriend separates you from his job and doesn't want to share what was happening throughout his workday is because you don't know how to listen. You seem so everyday and unbothered when he talks about his failed monthly plan. At least learn some basics in his profession, so that you can be on the same page.

Be on top of your game. Choose a career path, and SLAY IT. You don't have to outshine him or her in the same working field. Just find your natural talent and be be the best at what you do. Are you a successful mom? Be an extra mom! Are you starting as an entrepreneur? Ask about her opinion on your business. Do you want to be a makeup artist? Be the best in town. No career is shameful and underwhelming, as long as you put all of your enthusiasm in it. He will be surprised with how many things you do on a daily basis, how busy and hustling you are, how blessed and happy you look, and will want to know everything about you as if you were a new charming stranger.

Rather than wonder «how to stop being a workaholic» in regards to your partner, think more of «how to become a workaholic» yourself. A healthy one. What do you lose if you start hustling? You won't be afraid to lose your sense of being because life will no longer revolve around your partner, you will have your financial padding, the work of your life, and nobody would be able to take that from you!

Talk how you miss them. Be honest that you want a better husband, a child needs a good mother or so. Don't be whining. Be strict and unapologetic about your demands. If they listens to their boss every day, they are sure listen to you. Just know how to ask.

Set family bonding time that is UNQUESTIONABLE. Don't accept any excuses of why he couldn't make it up to you for a birthday dinner. If he doesn't know how to behave, he obviously thinks you can forgive anything. Be the boss and the person he will look up to in terms of your family well-being. The reason why a workaholic doesn't want weekends is because he or she doesn't know what to do in their spare time. He might have been a closed off, rejected child with a trauma, so everything behind his control is chaotic. Be responsible for his leisure, and he will soon find out how to plan it on his own.

Workaholic relationship problems

The main problem you can stumble over is their inability to listen to why it is so important to maintain a healthy balance between a working life and a life of a family member.

The second problem that workaholism can cause is an exposure to constant perpetual stress. Your partner is risking to burn out and receive a serious mental or physical disease from all that intimidation and deadlines. Tell them you care about them too much to give them away at such a young age. Say that it's a problem that requires inspection, too.

Visit a family therapist. If you really want to get down to the problem, go to a family therapist. You might think: «Why should I do it too if the problem is only theirs?» But a workaholic won't even accept they have some kind of problem, so serve it under an innocent sauce that your marital or sex life is getting weird and you want to know why. Once they accept it, let a professional speak. But beware that spouses who bring their men to therapy often find out there are more problems with themselves as well. So it doesn't sound like a bad idea after all.

Being a partner to a workaholic is not easy. The best way to help them is to show that they are loved and cherished in their family, there are no reasons to hide behind that stack of papers and documents. Be sure to provide all love and care in the world, not be intimidating with your requests, have a strong working ethic yourself, be committed to your goal and be consistent in what you do. Don't bring more insecurities and show that your partner is equally cherished as a boss, as a dad, as a lover, and as a friend.
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