Dating a Friend's Ex Tutorial: How to Save Love and Friendship

14.01.2020

Love and dating have always been a problematic issue on a certain level. Either you feel desperate because you can't find a partner or you are constantly worrying that your relationship will fail because of certain obstacles. You may feel hopeless when browsing through the members of some online dating sites since it can take too much time, and those girls don't seem to be that interested in getting to know you. Yes, finding a partner online can be difficult, but sometimes you find yourself in a situation, in which you'd rather be browsing through some single women site.

When you fall in love with a woman, you rarely think about her past. We rarely consider details when we fall in love. The realization of all the difficulties that we may encounter while being in a relationship comes much later. That's how you end up dating your best friend's ex. And there you can find yourself in the possible crossfire, as there is a probability that you will need to balance somehow to save both your romantic relationship and your friendship. Want to figure out is it okay to date your friend's ex-girlfriend and how to maintain both your love and friendship? We've got you covered, continue reading on to find out how to date without losing your best friend and how to save friendship without ruining your romantic love.

Main Difficulties of Dating Your Best Friend’s Ex

When you start dating a friend’s ex, it may have a serious impact on your friendship and your mental state. There are a lot of difficulties connected to dating your friend’s ex, and they are too numerous to put them all in one article. Thus, we are going to examine only four main difficulties. So, let’s dive straight into them.

Hiding Your Romance from Your Friend

Oh, my God, I’m dating my best friend’s ex-girlfriend! What am I doing?! That thought is going to crawl in your mind sooner or later. And you may find it extremely difficult to tell your best friend the truth. Especially, when you are dating his ex with whom he experienced a painful breakup. That’s why you may try hiding it from your best friend. But you may soon find yourself in a vice, which may become an actual test to your friendship. You cannot hide your romance from your friend forever, and things may get ugly when the truth is revealed.

Letting Your Friend Know

Of course, when you have a strong friendship, the best way is to let your friend know that you are dating his ex. But when friendship and romance meet, you can never be sure about the outcome. Your friend may take it okay, but at the same time, he may claim that you have betrayed him. Or worse, he may start telling you that you have to choose between him and your new girlfriend, who just happens to be his ex.

Learning the Ugly Truth

When you are dating the best friend’s ex, it’s almost inevitable that you are going to learn your friend or his ex from the different side. First of all, you may learn that your friend may turn out to be not such a great person as a boyfriend. While you may understand that’s the result of his ex perception, the way you think of your friend may be damaged. The other thing is that your friend may start telling you everything about his ex, which may make you wonder whether it’s worth dating her at all.

Being on a Crossroad

You may also find yourself in the situation when your friend and your new girlfriend are asking you to choose between them. While you may come to the conclusion that none of them is a good person, understanding that your friendship and romance were worthless is quite traumatic. So, yeah, dating the ex-girlfriend of your best friend can be quite difficult.

Can I Date My Best Friend’s Ex? 5 Signs It’s a Good Idea

Of course, after learning everything above-mentioned you can’t help but wonder should you date friend’s ex. Considering all the difficulties and the way it may impact both your friendship and your romance, you may even start asking yourself, "Is dating your best friend’s ex bad?" The answer is - it depends. Sometimes it’s the worst thing you can do, and sometimes it’s quite a good idea. As it is way better to concentrate on positive things, let’s check out the five signs when dating your best friend’s ex-girlfriend is a good idea without any further ado.

You Have Strong Bond With Your Friend

If your friendship is strong and you are open about everything with each other, then you can date the ex-girlfriend of your best friend. You won’t even need to hide it. As your friend has a clear understanding that you may have a perfect relationship with his ex, even if their romance failed.

They’ve Parted on Good Terms

If your best friend and his ex-girlfriend parted on good terms, you don’t have to think twice. It won’t affect either your relationship with your friend or with her. Their love has vanished, and that’s probably the reason why they’ve parted their ways. If there is no bad blood between them, you are free to date and be happy.

Your Friend Had Moved on to a Serious Relationship

If your friend has moved on to a serious romantic relationship after breaking up with his ex, it is another sign that nothing prevents you from dating her. Your friend is happily dating his new partner; thus he will only be happy to learn that you and his ex are dating each other. He has found the love of his life, and his ex is just an ex.

You’ve Witnessed Their Relationship

When you were around while they were dating, you know how it began and you know how it ended. Thus, it’s unlikely that you will learn something that will make your friend or your new girlfriend look differently for you. In this case, you know why they broke up, and you know how to make it work in your relationship.

When Your Romance Has Nothing to Do With Their Breakup

When your romance with your best friend’s ex started naturally, there is nothing wrong with that. However, you may face certain difficulties if you were in love with her from the day they started dating, secretly praying that they would break up. Thus, your relationship will work fine only if it had nothing to do with their breakup.

Vital Tips for Dating Your Best Friend’s Ex

So, after you’ve learned all the difficulties of dating your best friend’s ex and the signs when it is okay, things don’t seem so dire as they did. Still, it doesn’t mean that there are no rules that you should follow. That’s why we offer you to check out the five vital tips for dating your best friend’s ex.

Tell Your Friend Beforehand

Yes, you may think about taking time to figure out how serious your relationship is before letting your friend know that you are dating his ex, but you should tell him beforehand. “My best friend is dating my ex, and he was hiding it from me” that’s the thought that may come to your friend. While there is always a risk of losing your best friend in a situation like that, you need to do your best to avoid it. And the best way to do that is to tell your friend that you are dating his ex. At least, you won’t look like a bad friend.

Learn Everything You Need to Know About Their Breakup

While that may seem a bit unfair towards your new girlfriend and quite contradictory to what we’ve stated previously, there is a chance that you will encounter the same problems that lead to your best friend and your new girlfriend breaking up. That’s why you need to learn everything about their breakup. That will help you avoid problems that lead to their breakup and sustain a healthy relationship. Learning that his best friend dating his ex, your friend would be more than eager to help you.

Respect Boundaries

Regardless of how easy your best friend took the news of you dating his ex, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bother him. “My friend is dating my ex, and I want to be happy for them, but I feel jealous a bit,” you will never know that, but that’s what your friend will be telling his shrink. Thus, if your friend omits to come to the same parties where you are hanging out with his ex for some reason, don’t confront him about it. Certain feelings don’t die that easily, and you need to understand that.

Avoid Comparisons

Of course, you find yourself in a tricky situation, thus you have that question on the tip of your tongue - whether you are better than your best friend. Well, that’s the question that you should avoid by all costs. You don’t want your new girlfriend to think that you have some kind of competition between you and your best friend about her. Moreover, you have already had the answer - she’s no longer dating him, but she’s dating you.

Don’t Be Paranoid

“I’m dating my friend’s ex, and what if he hates me?” and “What if she has started dating me only to screw him?” are the two questions that you may be constantly asking yourself. Well, no matter how much you want to get paranoid - don’t. Your best friend didn’t say that he hates you, did he? No. Does your new girlfriend love your relationship? Yes. So, don’t ruin your relationship with her and your friendship by being paranoid. Take the things the way they are.

Love and Friendship: Saved

If you follow the above-mentioned rules, you can rest assured that you are able to save both your romantic relationship and your friendship. Yes, it may be difficult and requires enough courage, but you need to remember that you are dealing with your friend and your new girlfriend. If you consider her more of your new girlfriend and less his ex, you will win.