How to Have a Great Sex in a Long-Term Relationship and Not Lose Spark

31.07.2017

Under a long-term relationship, people mean a joint life, which was chosen consciously. It has little to do with youthful love, which drove you crazy when you were 18 years old. Only a quite mature person can have a serious long-term relationship. The same person who can adequately perceive his personality, his abilities, and weaknesses.

Many people do not feel the difference between short-term and long-term relationships. Particularly it becomes a challenge when people, aiming at long-term relationships, start using the tricks and patterns of pickup.

At first sight, the distinction between long and short-term relationships is clear for everyone: the first one lasts for a long time, the second one ends quickly. Nevertheless, the mechanisms involved in building each of these types of relationships are completely different. In what way is this distinction manifested and why is it so important?

Everything is very ordinary: when short-term relations arise, people demonstrate each other their best sides creating a kind of positive (sometimes almost ideal) image. In a long-term relationship, this task is almost impossible.

How important is sex for a healthy relationship?

You don’t know the right answer to the question, “How important is sex in a relationship?” but what does it mean personally to you? The belief that sex in a long-term relationship is extremely important, is subjective. One person will consider this fact to be one of the most important factors, the other one will see it as quite insignificant.

Only you can decide how high the importance of sex in your personal relationship is. As a rule, the longer a couple is together, the more important is sex for them for many reasons. In any case, many men and women think that this is the key to a deep relationship. Is sex important in a relationship? Among women, there is a belief that sex is more important for men but, in fact, this is not always the case. Many women are ready to have sex any minute and share an intimate moment with their partner when possible. If you and your partner have sex often, you understand what a huge part of your life it takes. Nobody asks the question, “Why is sex so important to men?” because both of partners consider it to be important. Sex is not only physical but also the emotional and mental element that brings you and your partner closer.

On the other hand, if you and your partner rarely have sex, then sex can be at the bottom of the priorities list for you. If you have a good relationship at the same time, then there is nothing to worry about. However, if rare contacts cause problems, then sex can be more important for you than you think. Even if you have always avoided this topic, it may be high time to raise this issue with your partner. In many cases, you may find that something is bothering both of you and that leads to a decrease in mutual sexual interest.

In a relationship, as a rule, people try to satisfy a number of their own needs. The need for pleasant emotions, feelings, sex, protection, approval, etc. Some of these needs can be more critical (primary), and others are not so important. When people overlap these primary needs for each other and share their beliefs, values, they get some kind of compatibility.

In fact, this is also love, but it's just different. People don’t feel crazy passion but a kind of pleasant comfort when they just match each other and are well together. For example, if a man likes to eat and a woman likes to cook deliciously, then they feel good with each other.

There can be a lot of such variants. Nevertheless, it is important to do easily what your partner needs without being tired for a long time. You complement each other like two gears that fit together and can rotate freely. Practice shows that people can live without sex and deep emotions (for example, love) in the relationship, and it can last long. But if it is based only on love (passion) or just good sex, then it falls apart eventually. People cannot just live together because of constant conflicts, unmet needs, different values and aims in life. However, people will not be happy without mutual feelings.

Only when there is respect, love, and sex, this leads to healthy relationships which are built on small things. Partners need to win each other's hearts every day and move forward.

How often should you have sex in a relationship?

Usually, you don’t need any grounds to have sex with your beloved person. If you want it, you can have it. As one man said, “Sex is like pizza.” Even when everything goes wrong, pizza is pizza. So, sex is sex. How often should couples have sex? In fact, no matter what the magazines suggest you telling that if you do not have sex five times a day, you have some problems. It’s normal that you want less sex with age, and instead of it, you want peace and no fuss. But while you are young, sex is still pizza, of course, you will not die from its absence, but it is still extremely pleasant and helps face challenges with good nerves.

Modern culture is very interested in the sex frequency. People are obsessed with it. They ask constantly themselves the questions, " How often do couples have sex?”, “Do I rarely have sex or is it normal?". They compare themselves with other couples, their exes. People, especially men, are very much afraid that someday they will not have sex. However, if the couple consists of people who are younger than 40, then they have sex on average three or four times a month (younger couples, of course, have it more often). If the couple is over 40, then people have sex two or three times a month. And, of course, if you are a 50-year-old man, and you and your European woman suddenly were told that you should have sex 5 times a month, then the sexual balance of relationship may be altered, it becomes possible to put happiness and sexual satisfaction in jeopardy.

How often should you have sex? In any case, a lot of sex does not make this sex better. It's the lucky couple who seeks to improve the quality of sex and tries to find interesting ideas and ways to give sexual pleasure to the partner. They listen to each other and are ready to compromise. Of course, sex is very important for healthy relationships, but it may not be as good as you want at the initial stages. Therefore, it is the spiritual component and trust that can help the couple find harmony in the intimate life.

There are some situations after which you should better have sex for a healthy relationship.

After a long separation.

There is nothing worse than a long separation when your partner is in one city, and you are in another one. This is a torture when there is no opportunity to touch your beloved one. A few months of sexual abstinence and you finally meet. What is the best thing in this situation? Sex! In addition, it is the best way to make amends for all those scratches that have got in your relationship during this long separation.

After a quarrel.

Sex is really the best way to smooth out the sharp edges. And there are a lot of them after the quarrel. During the quarrel, there is an intensity of feelings, which can be inverted into positive emotions and passion. You can better return to favor and mutual respect with the help of a passionate therapy session. Sex, in this case, makes you instantly forget the grievances and sorrows, but you should use this trick wisely: if you have sex after quarrels too often, you can feel that sex is no longer an adventure but simply a way to get rid of the need to solve problems with words.

On vacation.

The libido grows to an indecent level during the vacation. Especially when the vacation is active. What could be better than that? When you start working, you realize that you are too tired for all these erotic games. Sometimes they seem even stupid. However, not during the vacation, when your head is free from thoughts of work. The sun, the sea, the beach, no worries. Libido wakes up like a bear after hibernation, and it requires new discoveries. You don’t have deadlines, there are no persistent neighbors who will look at you with disapproval because you were making noise, and sex on vacation becomes a frequent and wonderful phenomenon. How often do women want sex? Women like qualitative sex no less than men and almost all the patterns can be applied both to men and women equally.

How to spice up your couple's sex life?

Alas, sexual relations have a nasty property to fade over time. Many people think that this cannot be avoided at all. If you don’t know how to spice up your sex life, you need to review some simple tricks.

• Instead of having sex immediately as soon as a girl is ready for it, start your preparation early in the morning. Flirt with her for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Create an atmosphere of sexual tension, which she will want herself to relieve.
• You will not believe, but the clichéd candles on the table, erotic music and special atmosphere are not an empty romantic stuff. All these are a strategy that positively affects the quality of sex. Use it.
• Do not make your girl feel like you're sleeping with her just because she's next to you, and it's convenient. Your girlfriend wants to feel special, and not "habitual", as if she is the sexiest woman in the world, at least in your eyes.
• If you want to spice up your sex life, try to devote your attention to her. Most women prefer gentlemen who intuitively understand their desires and think not only about their pleasure. There are, of course, exceptions to the rules, some women are excited by a passive role in sex, where she can feel like a victim, but this is more of deviation than the norm.
• Give the girl an opportunity to show the initiative and the quality of your sex will double.
• Experiments in bed are not only an opportunity to experience new sensations but also a great way to keep the relationship bright. Use handcuffs, whips and home videos or whatever you like, most importantly, do not close within the bedroom and change these two known sex positions to spice it up.
• The romance of teenage relationships, when you madly want but are afraid to touch her, that's what makes any girl crazy. Start with a three-day break in sex. Arrange shock therapy, and then arrange the night of a teenage paradise: kiss, hug but do not undress each other. Another day you can touch each other with various intimate parts. The next day, train your lips and tongue. And finally, in a couple of more days of abstinence, you can have the best sex ever.