Moving On After A Breakup: The Do's & Don'ts

02.05.2018

Relationships are one of the most complicated things in our lives. In certain situations, you can clearly see whether your romance is going to develop a lifelong relationship or end up in less than a few weeks. But sometimes there are no signs of an inevitable breakup. What to do after breakup? - is one of the toughest questions to answer. We are feeling lonely after a breakup and think that we can solve our loneliness by engaging into active dating. But as soon as you find yourself on a date, you can't help asking yourself “What the hell am I doing here?” This question arises simply because you have yet to overcome your breakup to seek the new relationship. Moving on after a breakup is much harder than you may think. There are certain phases that you need to go through on your way to healing after the breakup. Moving on after the breakup has its do's and don'ts and we offer you to check them out. So, let's check out how to be happy after a breakup.

Anxiety After Breakup

The very first thing why you shouldn't be dating right after a breakup is that you need to cope with anxiety. You have questions like whether you should get back with your ex. You think that you can sort things up with your ex or you can easily forget about him or her jumping into the new relationship. Jumping into a new relationship is what most of men do after a breakup, but it rarely ends up with something but disappointments. The only person you should see after a breakup is yourself. You need to talk things over with yourself, as you often feel that your world come crashing down after a breakup. Only through talking things over with yourself you can figure out what you have and where to move with it. Only that can help you face the reality and cope with your anxiety.

Depression After Breakup

If you won't deal with anxiety, you would soon have to deal with post-breakup depression. As we've said, you may get the feeling that your world is destroyed after the breakup and soon you find yourself bothering about nothing. It would end up in you having problems with your relatives, friends, and at your work. The best way is to see your shrink and follow his or her advice on the issue. Other ways to bear your post-breakup depression is to keep yourself busy with other things. Invest yourself in your work or explore new hobbies, try something new. Physical training can really help in this case. Quite often people start losing their sleep after the breakup. That's why you need to get plenty of sleep.

Movies to Watch After a Breakup

Another way of coping with your breakup is watching movies that would either give you an empowerment to move on or distract your attention from the state you are in. You also need to release your anger, so don't get surprised with movies that have plenty of graphic violence.

“High Fidelity” (2000)
directed by Stephen Frears

This movie about a music-loving man who understands nothing about women would remind you why relationships suck.

“Kill Bill” Vol I & II (2003/2004)
directed by Quentin Tarantino

By advising this movie, in no way we are suggesting that you should behead your ex with a samurai sword. The movie is about revenge, but watching it when devastated gives you the feeling that you've avenged yourself the same way as Uma Thurman's character.

“Heathers” (1989)
directed by Daniel Waters

So, you and your partner were that two against the world couple? Then you broke up because of your realization that your world is not that bad as you've thought. Now, you feel even worse because you’ve come to realize that you've been in a toxic relationship. On the one hand, you still under the spell of your ex, but on the other hand, you understand how your romance with him or her altered your life and outlook. Well, then “Heathers” (1989) is your perfect reminder of how great it is to get rid of a toxic partner.

What Not to Do After a Breakup

Funnily, but the list of what not to do after a breakup is generally longer than what to do, and you can see where it's coming from. Just after a breakup your actions are mostly emotions-based, rather than calculated. So, let's dive into what not to do when moving on after a breakup.

1. Don't Stalk Your Ex

Stop checking your ex's profile on Facebook. Don't check his or her Instagram. Stop walking by his or her work or house. What are you going to gain? Your relationship is over and you won't feel better by constantly reminding yourself of what you've lost. There is no point in making yourself even worse. Moreover, your ex may get the feeling that you are stalking him or her.

2. Don't Desperately Try to Win Your Ex Back

Oh yes, you are definitely thinking about trying to win your ex back. First, you need to examine your motivations. Are you serious about getting your ex back? Or is it your post-breakup emotions speaking? Not that we advise not to win your ex back, but we suggest that you should thoroughly examine your motivations.

3. Don't Try Sex-Therapy

Okay, you feel that you can't jump into a new relationship, so you decided to try friends with benefits type of relationship? Nice idea, but are you sure that your friends-with-benefits-partner is sharing your ideas? What if your talking and banging mean more to her or him? Moving on after a breakup by hurting other people is not the best idea.

4. Don't Self-Medicate

You feel depressed? Of course, you would try some booze and weed. It can be an okay way if you know when you had enough. In other cases, better find other non-addictive ways to survive your breakup. You may start taking anti-depressants as well, but without consulting your doctor you may easily damage your mental and physical health.

5. Don't Complain About Your Ex

So, you feel that you can't get back to dating? Make sure you are not constantly complaining about your ex to your prospective partners. It shows nothing except that you can't forget your ex. And nobody wants to start a relationship with someone who cannot move on after his or past relationship.

What to Do After a Breakup

As we've said, the list of things what to do after breakup is going to be not as long as the list of don'ts.

1. Spend Time With Your Friends

Spend as much time with your friends as you can. Your friends are your best post-breakup help. You should spend some fun time with them. Of course, the desire to constantly talk about your ex and how do you feel about your breakup is extremely high, but you shouldn't let this topic to consume you. You are not going to get any better if the only thing you talk with your friends about is your breakup. Besides, your friends are most likely to stop listening to you. Of course, you can discuss those issues with them, but you need to limit it. Having fun time with your friends, that's how to feel better after a breakup. So, go to some party, hang out with your friends. Use it as a means to distract yourself from constantly thinking about your ex and the breakup.

2. Look at Your Ex at His or Her Entirety

After the breakup, it is quite easy to turn a blind eye on all the good things that you had in your relationship. You think of your ex as of villain. But that's not true and you know that. You need to look at your ex at his or her entirety. Only with remembering good stuff alongside with bad stuff would help you move on after your breakup. Especially when you think about reconciling with your ex. How come you think about getting back together if you don't remember good things about your relationship? Remembering good things would also help you forgive your ex and yourself, thus you would be able to move on and start a new romance.

3. Do Check Your Anxious Mind

If you know that you’re inclined to depression and anxiety, paying a visit to your shrink is the very first thing you need to do after the breakup. Aside from that, your mind may give you a different explanation of your breakup. If your being an arsehole was the real reason behind your split, there is no need to think that your ex has found somebody else or never loved you. It works vice versa. If your ex was an arsehole, there is no need to explain your breakup with you doing something wrong. Without facing the real reason of your breakup, you won't learn the lesson that you need not to repeat your past mistakes.

Staying Friends After a Breakup: Is It Possible?

Now, one of the most popular questions: whether staying friends with your ex after a breakup is possible. While the vast majority of people think that it's nothing but a myth, it is possible. If your relationship dies on its own, without any of you doing something wrong, then nothing prevents you from being friends, as you don't have any hard feelings.

A bad breakup rarely ends up with ex-partners staying friends, still, it is possible. At first, you are angry at each other and you don't know what to say after a breakup. However, you just need to give it some time. As time passes and your anger fades, you may find that you can talk with your ex just like with a good old friend.
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