Most Important Relationship Questions for Couples

27.02.2018

How do you and your partner react to stress and resolve conflicts? What’s your attitude towards financial management, sex, and religion? You don’t even know, do you? It's time to find out the answers to these and other questions if you’re planning to build a healthy and strong relationship.

Often, a relationship depresses one of the partners. In some cases, it’s a certain crisis that leads to problems, like the loss of loved ones, difficulties in raising children, unexpected illnesses, or financial failures. But sometimes, the difficulties arise in the form of daily conflicts because of simple incompatibility.

If you plan to associate your life with another person or just start living together, you need to deal with all the relationship building questions listed below. None of them should be considered an excuse for a breakup though because love can become a motivation for working on the problems. If you fix them in time, you can save your union.

Important questions to ask your partner

1) What differences do you like in each other now, and which of them may become annoying in the future? The irony of love is that at first, you’re attracted by character traits that are opposite to yours. Perhaps the spontaneity of your partner seems exciting to you because you’re used to living according to the schedule. Or maybe her laziness seems refreshing because you force yourself to work even when you’re sick.

Other habits associated with biorhythms, careers, or hobbies attract by their novelty. But your own ones may eventually prevail. And what previously fascinated you will start to annoy.

2) How do you experience stress together and separately? What does your partner do when she’s stuck in a traffic jam? How does she behave if she doesn’t get enough sleep? These relationship questions and answers to them are essential for your couple. At the beginning of the relationship, both of you do your best to make a good impression. But this prevents you from understanding how each of you reacts to pressure. And you’ll have to overcome a lot of it. It’s very important to understand how you react to stress together: retreat and isolate or cope with it as a team.

3) What’s your partner’s attitude toward drugs, alcohol, and gambling? Of course, no one’s immune to drug and gambling addiction. But most often, the potential addiction can be predicted, but you’re probably afraid of it or don’t want to notice it. Or endless parties seem like a normal behavior while you’re young. But once you have kids, a relationship with a party-goer will no longer look like a good idea. Take a closer look at your partner now. The earlier you notice possible problems, the more likely they are to be successfully resolved.

4) How do you cope with daily routine? Imagine that it’s not your loved one but a roommate sitting next to you. How does your daily life feel? Are you OK with the schedule your partner prefers? How do you solve issues related to cleaning, cooking, pets, and guests? Who’s responsible for financial planning or calling a plumber if the toilet breaks down? These are banal but very important relationship questions to ask a girl.

5) What do you think about children? It’s clear that before planning a joint future, you need to know whether you both want kids or not. However, it’s important to discuss the details. Let's say each of you vaguely sees yourself as the parent of two children. But what if only your partner wants to have them? What if one of you is infertile? Will you continue trying to get pregnant or adopt the kid? You need to dig deeper and figure out all the nuances.

6) How often do you discuss relationships with other people? At the beginning of the relationship, it’s normal to share some secrets with friends and relatives. Time changes everything. That’s why it’s important to understand if it’s wrong to discuss sexual problems with your friends or ask the parents for family advice. There are no correct answers to these questions. But the more yours coincide, the easier it will be for you to live together.

7) How do you react to conflicts? Learn your and your partner’s styles of resolving conflicts. Perhaps one of you always apologizes first. Maybe the other one always argues. Or one needs to yell and swear, and the second just needs some time to be alone and cool down? Think about how you can improve the situation. The answers to such relationship building questions for couples should involve honest and respectful communication, without games, passive aggressiveness, calling names, and violence.

8) How do you feel about each other's relatives? You don’t need to admire your partner's family. But you need to make sure that she’s happy with your relationship with her family.

Also, it’s important to understand what to do if your partner doesn’t see eye to eye with her parents, while you’re OK with them. Or if she wants to spend the next vacation with her folks, and you don’t. What role will they play in the upbringing of your future children? What if they need help or financial aid? Often, at the initial stages of a relationship, the first family quarrels arise. Use them as an opportunity for practice.

9) Do you expect that something will change? Many psychologists, who help people after breakups, have heard phrases like “She was always selfish, but I thought everything would change when the kids appeared” or “He was never responsible with money. But I believed that he would grow up one day.” Do you think that your partner will magically become another person after you have children, pets, or mortgages? Think again. Perhaps she will, but the desire to change must come from her, not from you. If you decide to build a serious relationship, accept your partner as she is. And this is what this list of relationship questions is for.

10) What’s your attitude towards money? The more your financial views differ, the more intense your relationship will be. It’s better to find out how much you plan to save or how much you’re willing to lend to friends or relatives. The more honestly you discuss these issues, the stronger the foundation of your union will be.

11) How much personal time do both of you need? Everyone has different needs for solitude and communication with friends. If both partners show understanding and respect towards each other, then these differences can be overcome. But if one partner hangs out with his or her friends every night, while the other is patiently waiting at home, and both don’t discuss this situation, there will be too many grievances and insults.

12) What do you think about each other’s careers? Dismissal, career changes, or other aspects related to work affect the relationship. So here are some important relationship questions to ask:

• Is there a partner in the couple, whose work is more valuable because of its salary, prestige, or career prospects? What happens if this partner loses it?
• Which of you will be the breadwinner?
• What happens if one of you gets promoted, decides to continue studies or change profession? Of course, you can’t ask all the questions at once. But the more your ideas coincide, the easier it will be to deal with difficulties in the future.

13) What level of intimacy with others is permissible for you? The style of flirting, emotional closeness with colleagues, relationships with friends – your and your partner’s views towards these issues may be different. Of course, a modest girl can be happy with a guy, who flirts with every lady he meets, but only if both are OK with it.

Ask yourself, are you OK with your partner sending emoji to her coworker while you’re in bed together? Will it hurt you if she meets with her ex without warning you? Each couple must determine the boundaries. If you pretend that everything’s fine, you’ll just make things worse.

14) What’s your attitude to religion? It may seem that religion doesn’t actually affect everyday life. But the nuances are still important. How will you celebrate certain holidays? Do you intend to visit church or holy places with children? What will happen if one of you becomes more or less religious? These are also important relationship questions to ask your girlfriend.

15) Where do you plan to live? Maybe you and your partner already know where you want to settle. But when one partner has a clear idea of the place to live, and the second one doesn’t want to accept this idea, There’s gonna be a disaster.

16) How much do you care about physical attractiveness? Some couples have a hard time experiencing changes in appearance. This includes everything: hygiene, weight, figure, clothing, hairstyle, etc. What if your or your partner’s appearance dramatically changes over time? How should you talk about these changes? This is one of the early relationship questions you should answer as soon as possible.

17) Are you satisfied with your sex life? Some couples go intimate only after the wedding. But even in this case, it’s important to understand what role sex plays in your couple’s life. For example, what happens if the passion fades? How do you both feel about pornography? Do your sexual appetites differ? Who usually initiates sex, and does it suit you? Does one partner use intimacy as a form of power? Often, sex is so good at the beginning of a relationship that it masks other problems. But if it becomes a problem, it’s extremely important to talk about this.

18) Does this relationship help you become better? Do you have the feeling that you’re the better version of yourself? In normal relationships, partners usually support, encourage, and rejoice when their loved ones reach new heights. If you feel that the partner is pulling you to the bottom and doesn’t grow as a person, this relationship is wrong.

19) Do you talk with each other? We all have our own interests and obligations outside of relationships. But nothing should be more important than love. Sure, there are situations when problems pile up and become more important than the relationship itself. But if you feel that your partner is ignoring you and is not interested in your life, ask yourself if you need such a relationship.

20) Are you ready to compromise? Relationships are impossible without compromises simply because both of you are different, and your views can’t coincide completely. If you feel that it’s you, who always has to sacrifice your interests in your partner’s favor, then this is a bad sign. Such relationships don’t have a future.

Sum up

These are the main relationship questions to ask her. It’s for you to decide which of them aren’t important, and which are. Think about what you can change in yourself so that your partner is also happy with you. Answer these questions together, or, if you don’t yet have a partner or friend with whom you want to get closer, ask them yourself. In the first case, this will help you to become even closer. If you’re single, it will open new facets of your personality.
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