Basic Relationships Patterns and Guide to Cope With Them

24.03.2020

Relationships “once and for all life” are becoming less and less common phenomena, and there are more and more divorces. Not only men but also women are in no hurry to put a stamp on their passports. Men, in general, are increasingly choosing new patterns of relationships for themselves and also look for easy relationships with singles girls online.

But still, when a man and woman become a couple, they start living by certain relationship patterns. Psychologists share these patterns of relationships in couples. If you determine to which one your union belongs, you can look at it from the side, and it is possible to take measures to change your relationship.

What Are Behavioral Patterns in Romantic Relationships?

Love relationships are always dynamic and undergo changes. If they develop naturally and harmoniously, lovers go through the necessary stages of love and reach the highest level of spiritual intimacy. But most couples are building relationships incorrectly (and first of all, they don’t know how to create a good dating profile to get acquainted online). Psychologists identify the main relationship patterns for you, by analyzing which you can correctly determine yours.

What is the repeating pattern definition? A pattern is a term denoting a certain repeating thing, idea, action. Throughout life, people develop certain patterns that are used in communication with other people. Some patterns are harmless, others can damage relationships. Many reactions occur almost automatically, you don’t even have time to think before reacting anyway. But the result is one – a relationship spoils. The main thing that prevents a couple from normal living, dreaming and moving towards the realization of their desires is the mental “trash” that has accumulated in their head since childhood. The distorted beliefs imposed by society, past grievances and limiting attitudes are a result of distortion as a whole. All this greatly depresses us, and we wait for emotional discharge at every opportunity. It also prevents us from being ourselves and doing what we want in relationships.

Main Signs You Got to Let Go of the Pattern

How often it happens that our love relationship looks like repeated behavior patterns? First, we fall in love, then the honeymoon period begins, then the relationship flows in a different direction, and conflicts, quarrels, misunderstandings, tears, and tantrums start. And then a beautiful love story ends with a sharp slam of the door. Your partner left you alone to think about what you had done wrong. Why, for some people, their whole lives go according to one scenario, some lovers replace others, but the result is always the same? What is it, features of karma or do we constantly live by the same destructive relationship patterns that run everything?  

Meeting new people always follows the same scheme

New people bring to life the most beautiful things. New friends, adventures, true love: all this will become impossible if you don’t meet new people. To get acquainted, it is useful to visit new places. Choosing the right places for dating and meetings is already half the success. If you meet like-minded people or people who are like you, then you usually don’t need to come up with something: communication is established by itself. So, stop following the same scheme and meet people in the way you used to do it. Feel free to meet people everywhere.

Pretty much the same problems in your every relationship

As a rule, a person takes it from someone at one of the life stages and follows in accordance with it completely unconsciously. Certain actions are repeated with regularity. In most cases, this is a negative attitude towards loved ones, conflicts with others. Basically, they are attributed to external circumstances, character traits. At the same time, a person doesn’t cease to wonder why the same story can be repeated several times. We will always have relationship problems. This is inevitable. But we need to do everything to minimize or avoid them altogether.

Everything always ends the same

It seems that you act differently, but anyway, the relationship ends equally unsuccessfully. After 2-3 attempts, there are suspicions that something is wrong with you. Most likely, specific communication problems interfere with the relationship. Problematic relationships come across a wide range of problems. Scandals, mutual claims, misunderstanding, inaccessibility, discontent, distrust, narcissism, toxic relationships, psychological and physical violence (abuse), alcohol and drug abuse, and so on. In the end, the couple comes to a breakup. If this happens once – it is an accident. But what if it happens all the time?

Basic Relationships Patterns

In the 21st century, patterns of relationships change very quickly, and you can get seriously confused. So, let’s try to understand the most basic of them. Maybe recognizing the role relationship pattern, you will understand why some bad things happen in your couple. Maybe you will get the answer to the question of “What pattern am I?”  

Alpha

In this pattern, one of the partners wants to be the coolest. They dictate how to behave in a relationship. They like the fact that they can be the main decision-makers. The Alpha in a romantic relationship usually initiates negotiations and takes some serious steps. Sometimes they want to control everything, even the behavior, and feelings of their partners. And if their loved ones don’t control and don’t restrain these impulses, the Alpha may become too powerful.

Push-Pull

What is the push and pull relationship definition? Well, this is how it usually happens: one person feels that the relationship is perfect, and the other feels bad in a relationship, he/she needs more personal space. You can be the one who needs space or you can be the one who always pushes for even closer relationships, to spend more time together, and so on. If it sounds familiar to you, then this template works for you. This is a popular pattern of relationships. But people may think that they don’t need each other because they have different perceptions of the “perfect relationship.”

Caregiver

Sometimes people play the role of “educators” for their partners. They want to change them. They think, “If only I could force my partner to change, everything would be better.” But this can cause only negative feelings for the partner. No one wants to be changed. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are. But “educators” are still not satisfied even if their partners do what they want. They need more and more.  

Codependent

It is good if partners love, respect, and support each other. But if they start doing everything together, they no longer meet with their friends, and these two are absolutely dependent on each other, it is negative behavior patterns. This is a codependent relationship. People rejected their previous lives to be with their soulmates. This pattern of relationship leads to isolation.

Parent

Have you ever felt that you “adopted” someone? If so, then perhaps you are in one of the most frequent people patterns relationships. Sometimes this happens to those who were the elder child. Such children often get used to being in charge. Also, people who feel a parental instinct can behave like parents in romantic relationships with their loved ones. But this kind of “upbringing” of a loved one can lead to a breakup. We’re all adults, right? We have parents. We don’t need it in relationships.

How to Cope With Relationship Patterns

In the life of every person, there are situations when he/she behaves incorrectly and then regrets it. However, you can learn to control your emotions and behavior to less often lose your temper. The tips below will show you how you can change your thinking and lifestyle so that good relationship patterns become natural for you.

Understand yourself

Understand yourself sexually and emotionally. Understand that you are special patterns. If you have not completed the task of understanding yourself from a sexual and emotional point of view, you will have to enter into a romantic relationship with a tendency to emotional dependence. Perhaps you still have the illusory hope that someone else will understand you and know how to make you happy, even if you may not know it yourself. So, it is important to communicate openly with your partners about your emotions and sexual aspects.

Understand a toxic component of your behavior

Watch yourself and understand what exactly you would like to change in behavior. You can’t change your behavior against your will. Realize why you need to do this. Don’t forget that only you have power over yourself and your emotions. Find as many advantages as possible in the new type of behavior. Look for the benefits of changing.

Move forward

After people have discovered some patterns in relationships, they realize that they don’t want to play according to the rules dictated by consciousness; they begin to act according to the opposite scenario. The problems that keep us from doing what we want are the patterns that we have created, pushing us to immediate pleasure and reward, and distancing us from long-term pleasure. We need to overcome all the obstacles and move forward.

Focus better on those things that you really want from relationships and then start watching unhealthy relationship patterns that distract you from achieving these goals. Once you recognize these patterns, focus on breaking them down as quickly as possible. You need to replace your old patterns with new ones that will lead you not to immediate enjoyment, but to achieving your goals in the long run.