How to Get Through a Midlife Crisis: a Guide for Men

29.03.2019

This state can be called a merciless disease, which overtakes according to statistics, every second man after thirty years. The most unpleasant thing in this situation is that both men and their families suffer from it. There is no reason to hope that it will not affect you since such a state is considered an inevitable step in the life of any man, regardless of his emotional state and financial condition. Learn to distinguish signs of midlife crisis in males because you should be prepared in advance to this stage of life.

What Is a Midlife Crisis?

At one fine moment, in the life of any man, there comes a period when he begins to rethink his own life. As a concept, it is expressed in the physiological and psychological imbalance, in which problems, unexpectedly close in on a man who is at the highest stage of development of his strengths and abilities. In this state, men simply can’t sensibly assess their own positions. They often get depressed. It happens approximately at the age of thirty to forty years.

At first, a man needs to think about material well-being, creating a family, building a career. Gradually, all these issues are solved, often successfully, but a person still has energy and strength for something else. At the same time, he is well aware that youth has passed, and it can’t be returned. At this very moment, a man begins to think about the eternal themes, "Why do I live? Have I achieved everything in life or is capable of more? And do I really need all that I have achieved?" In this period, there is a revaluation of values – men can change plans or completely world perception. According to statistics, this state is a reason for the largest number of cases of divorce, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.

It should be noted that the male half of the population is experiencing it more acutely. With women, everything is different – if they actualized themselves as mothers, they understand that life is not lived in vain. Such parental instinct doesn’t affect men. This crisis negatively affects different states of a man.

What Causes a Midlife Crisis?

This problem is overwhelming for men over 30 – just when they move to a new stage of life. It is believed that this condition is similar to the crisis in adolescents. A man again tries to prove to the people around him that he is a separate person who has achieved a lot in the first half of his life. Basically, such a state in the life of every adult is caused not only by internal experiences but also by external ones. Thus, the causes of this state are:

• Low professionalism. When it seems to a man that he has achieved almost nothing in work, and all the other colleagues have achieved much more;
• Age group. Since this condition is characteristic of people over the age of 30, there comes an understanding that over the years, a man is not getting younger, and the health becomes worse;
• Loss of a close relative or a soulmate. Sometimes a person is not able to cope with such grief, and this leads to a prolonged depression and a manifestation of a midlife crisis;
• Concentration on negative thoughts. The thoughts that old age and death are inevitable;
• External changes. They are considered to be the main cause of the female midlife crisis, but it also affects men;
• An absence of children. This factor leads to emotional distress not only in European women over 30 years but also in men;
• Non-realization in life. The crisis in women lies in the fact that the majority devote themselves to family and children, and then, by the age of forty, they turn out to be useless. Men are less likely to suffer from such a problem since they rarely agree to start a relationship and raise children up to 30 years;
• Various disorders of the organs and systems that can be aggravated and take a chronic course;
• A weakness of character. What causes a midlife crisis in a man? Self-doubt, inability to refuse, and so on.

Signs of a Midlife Crisis

Initial symptoms often begin with increased changes in appearance. But then they can turn into depressive disorders. What are the results of this? For men, it can be new relationships, divorces, affairs, and so on. What else are the signs of this state?

Loss of sexual interest in a girlfriend. Sex has always been a very important part of family life, so if it is almost absent in a couple, then this is a clear sign of some problems. A man often begins to express dissatisfaction with the appearance and body of his woman, she ceases to turn him on, so some rethinking begins inside him. He wants younger women, with more attractive, in his opinion, bodies, etc. In this case, as practice shows, the problem is not at all in the body of his woman, but in himself. In other words, a person, attaining a certain age, begins to feel young (not only in terms of appearance but also in terms of sexual power), which is quite natural. Here his pride is already starting to play because he must prove his worth by starting some fleeting affair with a younger girl. At this time, he can leave for some unplanned trips, stay up late at work, begin to actively communicate on social networks, hiding the phone from his woman, etc.

Dissatisfaction with relationships and family life. If we are talking about men and midlife crisis, then we can note that, in this state, they begin to actively show dissatisfaction with relationships, openly declaring this to their women. A man can even say that he no longer loves his girlfriend or didn’t love her at all, and he started a relationship because of some circumstances, pressure, etc. Of course, such emotional upheavals have a very negative effect on her condition, so often she becomes the initiator of the divorce.

Increased attention to his appearance. If a man wasn't particularly interested in his physical form, then a dramatic change in this matter should give rise to certain reflections. He begins to pose with a naked torso in front of a mirror, imagining himself a bodybuilder, and so on. This is a clear sign that a man wants to become more attractive to other women. A radical change in his appearance can be the consequence of this. He seeks to change his image, making it younger, believing that he will be able to attract the attention of more young women in this way.

Infantilism in behavior and hobbies. A sharp change in hobbies can be one of the obvious signs of a midlife crisis in males. If earlier a man was keen on various gadgets, then when the crisis comes, there is a sharp change of interests, which may be accompanied by a sudden love for computer games, football, etc. A man can return to his childhood hobbies, thereby compensating for his lack of implementation in terms of the realization of the youthful dream. At the same time, he is not at all interested in how appropriate it is now and whether he will have enough money for it. In his life, classmates and old friends may appear, reminding him of the pastime, etc.

Problems with alcohol. Addiction to alcohol is traditionally more common in men than in women. That is why this state is considered to be a predominantly male problem. A man who feels that he has not achieved anything in life begins to look for a solution in alcohol.

Fear for his health. A man turns into a real hypochondriac. Any minor sore can cause him an internal panic. And his woman becomes guilty that she doesn’t treat him well enough. It is very difficult to overcome it alone; a man really needs support. For others, this is nonsense, but it is real spiritual torture for a man.

How Long Does A Midlife Crisis Last?

To be honest, this state has no time frame. It depends on how a man is prepared to cope with such a difficult task. Unfortunately, many of them are not well aware of this type of test. Some men will not go through the crisis at all or it will pass almost unnoticed. For others, it will last several years, and it seems that it will never end, which will affect their remaining part of their lives. It is important to remember: its duration depends on several factors – the age of a man, endurance, and support of close people. If a man overcomes it in two years, it is considered a quite fast period.

Otherwise, it will take about 5-6 years (in rare cases up to 10 years). Then, as a rule, if nothing changes in 6 years, the character becomes worse, even more, intolerable than it was before. When a reaction to some negative events becomes the cause of the problem, then the timing depends on the elimination of these causes. For example, a new interesting job or a relationship will reduce the duration of this crucial period. If a severe form of depression is the reason for this state (“my life is meaningless,” and so on), then treatment often takes longer. The more a man resists the fact that he has such a problem, the longer he will be exposed to it.

How to Deal with a Midlife Crisis

To get out of this state, you have to adhere to the following recommendations:

• Do sports. Sports activities not only allow a person to stay healthy but also give a good mood and contribute to the relaxation of the nervous system.
• Accept yourself. It is important to understand that each has certain qualities that most likely will not change. You must forgive yourself for your mistakes and always do what seems right. It is also necessary to accept not only yourself but other people who are formed individuals and have the right to their own opinion.
• It is never too late to start learning something new, improve your skills. It will make you feel needed. If you still haven’t managed to find yourself, you can attend vocational guidance classes.
• Keep a diary. How to get out of a midlife crisis? It is useful to have a diary in which plans, and goals already achieved will be written.
• Dream. Life can always change for the better, so dream as much as possible. Even if fantasies seem out of reach, faith in a bright future will provide strength for great accomplishments.
• Accept your problem. Ask yourself, “Am I having a midlife crisis?” and give an answer to this question honestly. It is important to understand and realize that this state can’t be eternal.
• Don’t take your emotions too literally. If you are overcome by a keen desire to “break free,” this doesn’t mean that you really need to do this. Perhaps this is only a symptom that something is not going according to plan.
• Try to change your life. Remember that to change something, it is not necessary to radically change a life. Step to change gradually, so as not to accidentally destroy what you have been building for so long.
• Accept the fact that many opportunities may be missed. Think about what exactly you missed and why. Write down everything that you would like to do but didn’t.
• Think about past and present priorities. Think about real changes you can make without destroying everything.